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By BILL THOMPSON
As I have been driving across North Carolina in recent months, I have noticed an apparent increase in the number of goats that I see on the farms in the state. You might ask why I would notice such a thing. Well, there is no real reason that I should, apart from the fact that I have always wanted a goat of my own and the profusion of them has gotten my attention.
Given the current status of agriculture here in North Carolina, it would behoove us all to take a look at any alternative efforts to retain or improve the economy of the state.
I don’t have any idea what a goat costs. If it costs much more than a dollar a pound on the hoof, it is out of my price range. Just because the price may be beyond the range of my pocketbook doesn’t mean that I can just wash the desire for a goat out of my mind.
No, sir, I believe that there must be a way for me to obtain a goat without spending too much money and without having to go in debt. It would be most embarrassing to list on my financial statement an indebtedness due to the purchase of a single goat. (I mean single here as in “one,” not its marital status.)
Therefore, I propose that those folks who have goats for sale and wish to expand their market should look into Rent-A-Goat. Rent-A-Goat has many advantages for both the renter and the rentee.
First of all, the rentee (someone like me) does not have to put up a whole lot of hard-to-find cash in order to acquire the company of a goat. This will allow the rentee to use what small amount of money he may have on hand to prepare a place to keep the goat and to buy the necessary feed.
I have been led to believe that goats are easy keepers, that they will eat what other livestock would pass over. However, I don’t think it would be prudent on my part to believe the old statement about goats eating tin cans and such.
First of all, a diet of tin cans would not help me to maintain a goat in the manner that I would like and, secondly, the strain on the digestive system of a goat subsisting on tin cans could cause extreme discomfort if not death due to intolerable pain. (Keep in mind that tin is not absorbed by the body before passing as waste.)
Under my proposed Rent-A-Goat plan, the rentee may pay in small affordable installments rather than a lump sum for the outright purchase. In addition, if both parties agree, the rent can be applied toward the purchase of the goat. Of course, it depends on the kind of goat being rented as to just how much the rent may be.
For instance, a plain female goat (called a doe, not a “nanny”) who is not bred and has no physical features that would designate her as more beautiful than most other goats and therefore would be less desirable to male goats (called bucks, not billys) could be rented fairly cheaply.
However, a female goat that is already bred or is so beautiful that the chance of her achieving that status soon is good, could bring a much higher rent. Since desirability is in the eye of the buck, ascertaining the beauty of a goat can be kinda chancy.
I have been told by certain goat authorities that goat traders, as opposed to goat breeders, are an untrustworthy lot. Goat traders have been known to misrepresent the status of female goats; i.e. telling prospective buyers (or rentees) that a certain goat is “with kid” while all she really has is a bad case of gas brought on by eating too many Coca Cola cans.
I would propose that some action be taken by our state legislature to prevent such misleading practices. A Truth in Goat Trading Bill would go a long way toward legitimizing the Rent-A-Goat business. (It could help the sponsoring legislators come voting time, too. There are a lot of goat-lovers out there.)
Of course, the real advantage of renting a goat as opposed to the outright purchase is that if the rentee decides that the goat is not really something he wants, he can just return the goat.
Even with penalties for wear and tear on the goat, it would be a less expensive endeavor than spending a lot of money on a promising goat only to find out having goats could be a b-a-a-a-a-d business investment.