By JEFFERSON WEAVER
Staff writer

When I first saw the young man, I thought he was a she.

He was wearing a tee-shirt that was about six times too big, and since he was (apparently, I hope, I pray) wearing shorts under the shirt, he appeared to be wearing a dress as he walked down the street. I was once again reminded that modern fashions are not my bailiwick.

I thought of that young man – and several of his counterparts I’ve spotted in recent days – whilst reading about several towns that are proposing bans on baggy pants. This style of trousers, in case you hadn’t noticed, is designed to show off one’s underwear. It supposedly has its background in the prison system, where the “cool” convicts wear their pants low to demonstrate their manliness.

Of course, I’ve read more and more critics who point out that such deshabille isn’t as much a statement of style and solidarity as it is an advertisement, a kind of marketing method that would have had its place in Sodom, if not Gomorrah, back in the pre-Godly wrath days.

Anyway, the town fathers and mothers in Atlanta, a couple of Florida towns, and at least one in Louisiana are mulling a ban on any clothing that intentionally shows underwear.

I think this is a good idea, especially considering the young lady who made the news recently due to her decidedly un-baggy outfit.

In case you missed it, Miss Kyla Ebbert was asked to get off a Southwest Airlines flight, or rearrange her outfit to show a little less, err, everything, after a passenger complained. Within a half-hour, I think, she was on a morning news show with her mom and her attorney, demonstrating how well she wears a mini-skirt and (marginally) revealing blouse.

Let’s get something straight here right now: I appreciate an attractive woman as much as the next man. At the same time, there are times and places for almost everything. I’m not sure a crowded airplane is the place for a miniskirt, no matter how well the wearer wears said skirt.

I think it says something for society that she was far more embarrassed by the reaction of the airline than her own immodesty.

Call me old-fashioned, but I was just as honestly shocked by the young woman I saw in the grocery store the other night.

Miles from any beach, she was wearing a string bikini top and a pair of shorts that – well, this is a family publication, and I’m a gentleman, so I won’t go further than that. I wanted to go find the big shirted gangsta wannabee I’d seen earlier, take his oversize shirt, and give it to the young lady.

I well recall the stories from my sisters about how they would leave home wearing Mom-approved clothes, only to switch to something a bit more stylish as soon as conditions permitted. I also recall the stories about what happened when Mother found out about the unauthorized costume changes.

Looking at today’s short-short skirts, gravity-defying halter tops, oversized shirts and bagged-out britches, I just have to wonder again what’s happened to modesty.

When I was a kid, we didn’t have to be lectured about dressing like young ladies and gentlemen; we knew what would happen if we didn’t.

My mother was not the only one who threatened to sew a strip of lace on a boy’s shirt tail if it hung out (and I’m reasonably sure she was not the only mom who ever followed through with that threat).

While I don’t think it ever happened to me, I knew a fellow my age at another school whose mother did just that. He never again left his shirt tail untucked. Even if those oversized shirts had existed back then, I’m sure he would have tucked his in.

Likewise, girls who wore too-revealing clothing in my day and age were either sent home, or in one case, issued a very scratchy, ugly, oversized sweater to wear until an embarrassed and angry parent arrived at school with more ladylike attire. I’m pretty sure most teenaged girls would put the shorts away if, whilst preparing for school, they had to think of wearing fuzzy brown-green wool in May.

Of course, now it’s easier to either send a young’un home from school for inappropriate attire than it is to punish them, especially by a harmless but effective form of humiliation. That way, the principal and teachers can have time enough to call their lawyers, since the parents of the offended children will probably be contacting their own attorneys.

Since so many young people get their fashion advice and values from television and the Internet instead of their parents, I’m not surprised Miss Ebbert saw nothing inappropriate about her outfit. Mom and Dad likely let her dress like that when she was a teenager, and now that she’s all grown up – and I mean very grown up – she should be able to dress as she likes.

I know for a fact many, if not most, parents keep a closer eye on their kid’s wardrobes than said young’uns appreciate. And I have no problem with someone wanting to dress fashionably; if that’s their wish, more power to them.

But there’s a time and place for just about anything, and some things just shouldn’t be worn in a grocery store, on an airplane, or walking down a city street.

Jefferson Weaver is a staff writer with the News Reporter. He may be reached at 642-4104, ext. 227, or via e-mail at jeffweaver@newsreporter.biz.